Mediocre because from that moment on I kept replaying that scene in my head wondering what the hell I had been thinking. Keep in mind that I had never told him anything like that even when we were together. Come to think of it I have NEVER told a man I love him. Ever. Plus I don’t even think I meant it. Had you taken away the cocktails in my system I think what I was trying to say was more along the lines of ‘Can we please just get back together?!’. Too late. I had made a fool out of myself and ruined everything.
When I woke up the next morning I was hoping to find myself in the comfort of my own bed, having dreamt the whole thing up. Instead I was lying in my ex’s bed staring at the ceiling because he wasn’t even there. He’d gotten up before me and gone into the living room to do God-knows-what. No cuddling, no sweet nothings being whispered. Just me naked and thoroughly embarrassed trying to hide under some bed sheets. He must’ve been gone for hours because I was in and out of consciousness having mini- dreams that he had come back to bed and was holding me in his arms. Then I’d wake up and feel like banging my head on the headboard. 
When he finally came back to the room it was time to go. After what seemed like the longest and most silent ride home we pulled up to my house. Seeing as I probably wouldn’t be hearing from him anytime soon I decided to speak my mind before he dropped me off. I told him I don’t think we should be meeting at clubs and hooking up like this, it’s lame. I told him I didn’t want to be that girl who has nothing going on in her life so she occasionally shags her ex when she gets a chance. At this point he had begun laughing because for some reason he found humor in my misery. After kindly telling him to shove off I stepped out of the car and slammed the door.
I think I was more upset with myself than I was with him. This was the third time he had ‘chipsed’ me since we broke up and after every incident I told myself that would be the last. So here I sit back on this couch staring at my silent phone and thinking…is it such a bad thing to turn your ex into your clande? Then I pick up my phone and type a message to my ex. “I meant what I said about this chipsing thing being lame and over. I don’t expect you to reply this message, I’m just keeping it real. Take care of yourself…”. So much for having an ex-with-benefits, I’m way too emotional of a person to handle that. For now I’ll just turn off my phone and watch sappy music videos until I find my next future ex-boyfriend.