(By Nicole M) I bet you know of communal relationships…those relationships that consist of you, your partner, your sisters and brothers, your friends, your colleagues, the entire Facebook, the entire neighborhood and probably even the whole world.
You know you suffer from Communal relationship syndrome when:
1. You or your partner keep on bringing up what other people said about the situation during an argument or discussion. “So and so thinks this and that happened because…” This makes the other person feel humiliated and unimportant since you go by what so and so has thought said or felt about situation. Why would you go and share what’s happening between the two of you and without shame you come and report how you put your private issues out there instead of discussing it with your partner first?
2. You always get calls from friends/ relatives telling you how upset your partner is and what you need to do about it…If you’re not mature enough to state what you are upset about to your partner and instead sulk away and whine to your fans then you should think twice about having such a commitment altogether.
3. Your progress or key decisions are determined/swayed by majority: You discuss major milestones with your friends/relatives (fans) and their opinion will greatly affect or even determine what you decide and go to your partner with a final way forward rather than discussing it with them.
4. Your relationships life span or lack thereof are determined by your fans’ opinions. So you dump your girlfriend because your boys thinks it’s gross how she wears weaves or you dump your boyfriend because a friend or two thinks it’s “Euwww” that he snores. Get some back bone! If you’re jumping from one relationship to another it had better be as per your liking and decision and not as per your fans fancy!
5. You always act on situations or conspiracies planted by your fans. Your partner did this? Oh no.. it means…. most of the time your’fans’ are out to ruin your happiness… misery loves company, beware of what you hear from those outside the fence… it could come to bite you in the derriere. Not all advice is good advice.
As much as you describe your situation in detail to your fans you need to understand that at the end of the day only the two of you know what exactly is going on. People who budge into your relationship need to be kept at arms length if you want your relationships to work.
If you have communal relationship syndrome, you need to take a chill pill and meditate on what is important for you in a relationship, what others think or what works for you and your partner. Or else you’ll hop from one relationship to another as per how long your fans allow you to stay there… Putting one’s destiny in others hands is what that is. We are always fighting for freedom, then why not exercise it? Be your own person!