Gathu says that men involved in affairs are looking for something that is missing, either sexual or emotional, in their current relationship. He adds that there are always challenges in a marriage that need to be addressed. And the relationship needs to constantly be worked on.
“Men that use temporary problems as a scapegoat for finding a girlfriend are selfish and aren’t thinking about their families in the long run.”
But Dan would beg to differ. “I love my wife. There’s nothing I don’t get from her. If anything my mistress is more stressful. When I’d go out with my friends, they’d all bring their girlfriends, so they got me one so I wouldn’t be the odd one out.”
It’s another indication that the number of men looking outside their marriages is staggering. And if one is to listen to the discussions that take place weekday mornings on Kenyan radio, it would certainly seem that the entire nation is in crisis.
Daddy Issues
Mary Karuri is a Kenyan psychologist who believes that these relationships are a symptom of underlying psychosocial disorders that stem from previous unhealthy relationships.
Karuri is convinced that emotional and financial greed are some of the factors that lure young women into these relationships. Emotional greed Karuri relates to young girls deprived of love, affirmation and affection from their fathers.
“She will tend to divert towards the many men and women in her life. And because she has some internalized anger she is not aware of the absent dad,” Karuri emphasizes, “she will tend to use this man, unconsciously dealing with the dad. She has got the chance to exploit someone who was never there; and this gives them [sugar babies] a passport to the fast lane of social status.”
(By Sandra Grzybowski and Rose Odengo)
*Names have been changed
First published in the April 2012 issue of Destination Magazine
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