There are marriages that will not work out for sure

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A good friend recently reminded me that “marriage” has got to be the only test where you are presented with a certificate before you sit for the exam. When you think of it, that’s very true… right?

Getting married and staying married comes with its own set of challenges. It is never easy I hear. Even our folks who have been married for 30+ years would concur with this. Marriage is about accommodating someone else in your space and that is supposed to be… forever! There’s bound to be a lot of getting on the other person’s nerves but either way, marriage is an institution that every individual should at least give a go. As much as divorce rates and marriage rates are competing for the same top spot lately, it is best to at least give marriage a try and get your own marriage experience but at least do that when you are certain that you are ready for it!

>>>>I have to throw in this part <<<<

Huston, a pioneer in the psychology of relationships, launched the Processes of Adaptation in Intimate Relationships (the “PAIR Project”) in 1981, in which he followed 168 couples–drawn from marriage license records in four counties in a rural and working-class area of Pennsylvania–from their wedding day through 13 years of marriage.

You would think that many newlyweds would be so blissfully in love at the time of the wedding and after and that couples whose marriage begun in bliss would have everlasting marriage bliss…you would be proven wrong!

According to Huston’s research findings he deduced that:

*Many newlyweds are far from blissfully in love.

*Couples whose marriages begin in romantic bliss are particularly divorce-prone because such intensity is too hard to maintain. Believe it or not, marriages that start out with less “Hollywood romance” usually have more promising futures.

*Spouses in lasting but lackluster marriages are not prone to divorce, as one might suspect; their marriages are less fulfilling to begin with, so there is no erosion of a Western-style romantic ideal.

*It is the loss of love and affection, not the emergence of interpersonal issues,  that sends couples journeying toward divorce.

   * Source:  www.psychologytoday.com

PS: Keep in mind that marriage is universal the world over.

Back to our topic, there are certain circumstances which when you get married under, your marriage is bound to lean towards the divorce direction sooner than you thought. And below are those circumstances:

*If you marry because your friends are getting married left, right and center

*If you get married because you got pregnant

*If you get married because you think time is running out or because you planned to be married at a certain age.

*If your courtship was brief. Say under a year?

*Getting married because you fear your girl will be swept off her feet by someone else.

*Marrying someone because of their financial status and there’s no love involved.

*If your courtship had a break because one of you practiced infidelity.

*Marrying someone just because they asked and you don’t really love them and you can’t see a future with them.

*When your girl is the one that pressured you to get married.

Those days when your husband was chosen for you and your dowry paid when you were just but a baby are long gone. You now have a choice to choose a relationship that will work for you. A relationship that will let you learn a positive here and another positive there. That will build you instead of drag you down the drain or constantly lead you back to square one.

I have witnessed couples who have been married for a very short time and now live in the same house but in different rooms and don’t speak to each other unless they are fighting.

When it comes to taking that big step called “marriage” It is best to always listen to and be guided by the signs your own life presents you with. Start by the little things like moving out of home to sample life by yourself and appreciate being by yourself. Be comfortable with your life and when the time comes, when you feel like there’s finally room for a companion, room for you to make your life and one other person’s better and add value to each other’s life …then my friend, you have the green light to dive into marriage and remember, this should be with someone who is settled in their own life as well. This move, however late this ‘ready state” may come to you will be an assurance that your  marriage bliss will last for much longer.

I have heard from many married couples that after a few years of marriage, you become like roommates who share the same bed…there’s no hate, but at the same time there’s no hanky panky! Point being…get into marriage when everything else in your life is in place and you will enjoy being married!

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MAUREEN OJUNGA

Maureen Ojunga is the newest Health enthusiast in town. She is also a gadget freak and a lover of all things WINE! Besides being a lover of life, she enjoys writing Relationships and Sex pieces and is also an Interior design junkie.

  • Dr Hako

    I am a marriage Counsellor and the worst mistake is for a woman having relationship outside while still married…Remember when caught you loose all if not your life….Let’s stay faithful to each other

  • gimosh

    for how long can smone wait for their life to be comfortable for them to get married especially in the Kenya today that people lack jobs?? i need help on that…..

  • joanne

    So well put

  • El

    *If you marry because your friends are getting married left, right and center – that is the current epidermic in Kenya..getting married because its the ‘in thing’ too many folks are swept away by the novelty of the wedding day and have the nerve to be surprised the next day when marriage begins. Until we learn how to value ourselves for who we are instead of tilting where the wind blows…marriages may actually have a fighting chance. Until then…I’ll just watch the spectacle from the side-lines.

  • Monica

    Marriage is a holy institution ordained by God and He is the one who makes it work. If God is not present and during your marriage it will not succeed. Period.

  • I have been married for the last thirty-eight years and what I can say is that it takes tolerance and understanding to stay married. When a couple is not yet married,they hardly know each other because each gives out the best of themselves and not until they get married and live together does their worst selves surface.

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