(Thitu Kariba) Not long ago I came to a shocking and hurtful realization yet again of how the world system has done us wrong. In the world as we know it, we have people that believe women ought to be independent. It started off well: it enabled women to have rights such as the right to an education, the right to work. It was not all that bad (although now they complain about going to work and working in the home too). What got out of hand was how they kept pushing and pushing to get more of what men were entitled to, to the point where it seems women are out to get the title “Men”.

I realized that this world system has allowed us to disrespect our men and what they do for us, just because we think we can do that all by ourselves. Have you ever thrown your rights out at your man or as a man had his rights thrown in his face and been disrespected? Unfortunately, some men were waiting for women to get to work so they could lay on the couch all day and do nothing. This caused the woman to be the head of the house; to be the one who does it all because her man won’t do a thing. In this case, the man has abused and disrespected her. What this tends to do, however, is create the kind of woman who does not look to a man, or consider him able to do much. I can say for a fact that being an unwed mother made me such- I had to do it all, I had to take the wheel and I was not to expect him to help.

When my man finally came into the scene I had been so used to being in the driver’s seat that I disrespected him; I knew what needed to be done, when and how. And when he offered I gave a list of instructions not aware that not all men are the same.

Does your past or your partner’s past seem to bring about respect issues in your relationship? The issue of respect nearly cost me my relationship and I really had to take a closer look. When I told him I loved him, he found it hard to believe because I did not respect him. This was utterly confusing to me: how does love equal respect? I mean I love certain people in my family even though I do not respect them.

I came to realize that I was in his seat, the driver’s seat, and that even though I loved him I did not trust him to lead, to carry and take me there. That was disrespect and where there is not trust there is no respect and no love. The world has told us as women to be independent, and each time we look at women like these we notice that they are alone or can’t seem to keep a relationship with a man. He is the head but we fought for the right to that place, he is to lead us and guide us but we also fought for the right to that. What on one hand looks like liberation in the world, in the Kingdom of God it is us being enslaved. We are held prisoner to the choices we make, or set free by them. Respect, surrendering the wheel to him is not being enslaved but being set free.

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