Of all the feelings imaginable to a human being, none beats the one of feeling out of place. Even social animals have at one point in their lives felt the pressure of fitting in with a particular group or set of people. It’s an unwanted and unwelcome feeling; everyone wants to belong somewhere.
Just the other day, I found myself in such a situation. I am generally a talkative and out-going person so the fact that I was unable to fit in a group of ‘ordinary folks’ was quite impossible for me to decipher. So here I am, out with my better half and his friends and all that could come out of me was a cool hello and a smile that barely reached my eyes. The banter around me seemed endless and the topics flying in the air were hard to relate and even contribute to. The music? Being a one-genre kind of person it’s hard to sometimes enjoy certain music that I’m not used to. Lame? Maybe so, but the feeling relates to plonking yourself among the native speaking inhabitants of the Amazon. You just want to be home and in your element!
Have you ever found yourself in such a situation? I’m sure if you were reading this you would relate. Many at times the ‘opposites attract’ rule may find us stuck in the middle of a relationship that is both exciting and unbearable.
On a lighter note, the differences between you and your spouse may be the same ones adding spice to your relationship and bringing you closer together. On the other hand, they may be the same one’s tearing you apart. You like this, they like that, and the friends you both had in the past must at one point be brought in the mix. This may be a disaster! It may work out, but chances are very high that it won’t.
One thing that is sure as rain is that friends will always be there and losing them just because your spouse doesn’t like or ‘click’ with them is an impossible feat to accomplish. The situation is vice versa for your spouse.
Some friends have been there since time immemorial. While it may be so that one or two are a bad influence and may be required to be weeded out, coming out with your guns blazing will not be the smartest thing you can do. Take time to learn more about them before making a solid conclusion.
So what do you do in the meantime? Picture it this way, when you agreed to love that someone, wasn’t it to be through thick and thin? (This applies to true and sincere love thank you). And isn’t the ‘thin’ of it accommodating situations that might be otherwise impossible to bear? It can’t be that bad to get out of your element once in a while and experience new things. Perhaps you are an introvert or a little ‘stiff’ towards change but making each other’s happiness a priority will be a good way to build that foundation towards a better future. And the effort is usually duly noted believe me.
Discussing a way forward with your spouse can also go a long way in easing up already high tensions on the issue. It doesn’t help canceling dinner plans all the time or feigning headaches just to avoid those awkward dinner outings with his/her friends. Just make it clear whatever problem you have, be fair about it and make sure you also approach the subject in a somber mature manner. You might be surprised how well this works out. Try to overcome previous judgmental attitudes you have about the friends and find out more about them. You will find that maybe you have a hobby or thing in common you never knew about, just because you arrogantly brushed them off.
I know of people who are hell bent in changing their spouse’s personalities to suit theirs. To frankly put it, this doesn’t work. So if you find that you tried to fit in his\her lifestyle and it still didn’t work out, don’t push it. If you can’t handle it, no need of forcing issues to run your way. Leave as early as you can. But if you are willing to fight, 10-15 minutes of pure boredom with his\her friends will not kill you. There are so many other ways you can revenge that * evil wink *
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