Things have clearly not gone to plan. As in the recent article, “Asking for forgiveness when he doesn’t know why,” we all need to be reminded of the following:
Remember, you can’t control another person or what they should say and make them change. If you bear this in mind when you talk to them, you’re more likely to achieve the result you want.
But, if he refuses to communicate and address the issues that you’ve brought up, or to modify his behaviour, you have only two options left: distance yourself from him or accept his conduct.
However, moving on and more so, letting go of the slight anger or bitterness that comes over you when their names are brought up randomly in conversations, is harder done than said.
Whether you’re a dating veteran or a well-lived person in your sixties, being mature in ALL situations is virtually impossible. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Feeling anger and bitter is a legitimate state of the mourning process; and in this case, you’re mourning a wasted relationship. So, if it’s normal than embrace those not-so-happy-feelings and work through them. If you don’t, these feelings may become bottled up and end up influencing your behaviour patterns in your next relationship.
Don’t let the past spoil your future. Use each bad relationship to empower the next for the better.
TO DO LIST
How much is it costing you
If you can tell someone who’s upset at you about your reaction as soon as it happens, then great. But if you’re still sulking days, weeks or even years later, your anger is probably hurting you more than it hurts the person who upset you. Ask yourself if you’re still gripped by any such resentment and what it might be costing you.
Embrace your feelings
By acknowledging your feelings, you move your attention away from whatever it is that is upsetting you. It helps to dissolve the solidity of the pain and as a result, makes you that much closer to not feeling the pain anymore.
Decide when enough is enough
For most of us, time is a great healer; we feel things with less intensity as the weeks and months pass by. But for others, they hold on to pain with such tenacity that to hear them describe a past hurt you would think it happened to them yesterday. Decide when it’s time to let it go.
Live in the moment
We all use our imaginations to run fantasy scenarios on the could’ve, would’ve and should’ve, or even how you’re going to bring someone down. Use your mental energy to live in the present moment.
Make yourself laugh
Laughter is such a good antidote to anger. You can’t be angry if you’re laughing. Laughing actually releases neuro-chemicals in your brain that encourages positive feelings.
“Life is too short to bear grudges. Toss those feelings of resentment away. Live life in the now. Thrive in it to the full.”