When I struggle with the man in my life, a girlfriend of mine has always poignantly reminded me, “prepare for the worst and expect the best.” It’s a good motto to live life by, right? If you’re always prepared for the worst then you’ll never be blindsided and guarding your heart is the best way to avoid heartbreak, right? But, when does ‘preparing for the worst’ get in the way of believing in the full organic potential of a relationship and more so, of a person?
How many times have you prepared for the worst and expected the best, but the best just never happened? Since when have we become so pessimistic about relationships? Does being pessimistic mean we’re settling? Shouldn’t being with the ‘one,’ that’s if you believe in that stuff, always be the best thing that has ever happened to you? Hmm, perhaps that’s the answer right there – he’s just not the ‘one.’ Maybe?
In the recent article “Why do men go MIA?” it’s obvious that there are some real greasy tools out there that are simply out to take advantage of a good situation – you. And, there are those men out there that are simply just thoughtless, and for a lack of a better word, fools.
Now, if you’re lucky enough to be in a relationship with a thoughtless fool, obviously you’ve seen past his flaws, embraced them and look forward to fighting for the amazing potential that you believe both of you have as an item.
He loves like Shakespeare’s Romeo, cherishes family like your father, soft like a teddy bear but tough like a Trojan, ambitious, charming, great partner in bed, and listens well when he has time. Yes, when, he has time.
Did I say he was ambitious and extremely successful? The man receives 200 calls a day, and each call actually matters. He makes time for you, comes to Town even if it’s out of the way to have lunch with you, he always cares; most importantly, even if it’s only for a short 5 minute meeting that you’ve stolen from his day, nothing else matters during those precious minutes. The angels sing.
At the same time, after a year of dating, you’ve accepted a lot of flaws and vowed to work with them, such as: he ends calls abruptly because he has to take an incoming business call, forgets to call you back after he says he will, postpones your meet-ups because an important business meeting has come up…you get the drift? Business reigns supreme.
No, this man is not cheating on you. He is not tired of you. Contrary, he wants to eventually marry you. But, after a year of feeling neglected and tired of “preparing for the worst and expecting the best” every single time you’re suppose to spend some time with this man, you’re spent. Tired. Oh, so tired.
“Preparing for the worst and expecting the best” has allowed you to last this long, but honestly, you’re exhausted from being a pessimist. Every time your man suggests something, you say yes, but in your heart, you know he’ll be too busy to follow through.
I thank my girlfriend for always reminding me of what’s worked for her, but for myself, I think I’ll keep to what’s worked for me, “trusting someone until they give you a reason not to.”
I always give people a benefit of a doubt. And, as many friends have tried to educate me, perhaps I shouldn’t since I’m always the one that pains. Then again, what’s so bad about always being the one that seemingly looses out in a relationship and hurting for a while? Pain will pass, you will recover. What you cannot recover is lost time, and seeing that life is so finite, give yourself a pat on the back for trying and not losing that important quality that’s unique to mankind – belief.