(PASTOR WA) Personalities notwithstanding, there is a way to talk to Men. It may sound incredulous at first, but hang with me. It sometimes seems almost impossible to get through to a man’s thick skull. It’s like hitting your fist against a wall trying to have him listen, co-operate and fully grasp with intent everything you are trying to tell him.
Well, here’s the biggest mistake most women make in their attempt to talk to the masculine type.
They talk to them like they talk to women.And it fails. Every time.
Surprised? well, you shouldn’t be. Men are different from women, especially when it comes to ‘hearing‘. By that, it’s not just what you’re churning from your mouth, nope. It’s two critical components of any conversation. Tone of voice and body language.
1. When you talk to a man, make sure you get into his head before you start rolling.
Men process one thing at a time. If a guys mind is on something, he may be looking at you, smiling at you, holding your hand, and even be silent. But not there! He will grunt and nod as you talk, but dear sis, he’s not getting it. He will even tell you he is listening. But he isn’t. And the truth is, he is not INTERESTED! Now most men won’t tell you that, coz you’ll bite his head off, but it’s the truth. It takes effort to grab a hold of his attention. You have to say for example, sweetie, i want to talk to you, are you ready now or do we do it in 30 minutes? Once he hears that, he will have something programmed to take his attention. Proceed based on His answer.
2. Schedule, Schedule, Schedule
The typical guy doesn’t want to discuss issues for long and draw out emotions all the time. It’s tiring work (I guess when God pulled Eve from Adam’s side, the bigger chunk of his emotional capabilities went with the woman!). Men have modes, work mode, home mode, bed mode, listen mode, friends mode… The list is endless. The point is to maximize the listen mode. I think it falls under the work category. So schedule to talk to him like a task.
Women assume that if he loves me he will make time to emotionally lay down everything and listen to my heart. While this is the ultimate goal for the male kind, it really takes years of training and effort to master. In the meantime. Schedule talks, and let him know you will want to talk about something at a particular time.
3. Don’t dwell on details unless he asks for them
If you want to reap a listening harvest when you talk to your man, let him know what you expect from him. For example, I just want you to listen to me. Don’t give me answers, don’t try and ‘fix’ me, just listen. If you want him to take care of something, let him know you will want his action and will be depending on his actions next. As you talk, keep a straight path if you want to give him information. If you are talking just so he can listen, then you can ramble on and on. Giving too much information without him listening.
4. Make sure there is something ‘tangible’ or practical for him to do following the convo.
Men love to fix things. 10 seconds after you start talking to any man, He is thinking about solutions. Period! We think, ok, how can i fix this situation so it doesn’t bother this woman ever again?
So naturally, he will get more from conversations that will require his ‘fixing’ addiction. You figure out what it is, and engage it. When you just want a listening ear, make sure you talk to him away from distractions.
5. Its OK to repeat yourself
I’m not sure why this is so, but if you just can’t seem to get things done the first time. Repeat what you are saying. In fact with greater emphasis subsequently! Men do not mind having things repeated to them. However, If you want things done to end the repetition. Put consequences or rewards at the end of every action taken in response to your talk. You will be amazed. Men respond to consequence rapidly. Because it draws the conqueror in them to accomplish something to gain something.
6. Do NOT, and I mean, DO NOT, Attack a man’s ego
If you cut a man down, make him feel like a loser as you talk to him, or even correct him, you are simply instigating an inner fight mechanism. He will refuse to do things or just frustrate you because he wants to prove a point to you. What point? you ask. Well, the point that he is the king in the scenario. He is to be honored. A man will do anything to boost his ego. Including carry a handbag (I hear a storm brewing!). My point is, If you make a man feel like King Mufasa, you won’t have to beg for things to be done. His ability to respond to your wishes will be upgraded PAP! Trust me on this one.
Well…. I guess this needs to be continued sometime next week!
I’m just sayin…