The equation for change

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March 17, 2011 – Ever experienced that moment when you thought your partner was not worthy of your love? Lets rewind back a bit. So you met that special person and everything has been going on well till now. The conversation has been great and the evening coffee dates exciting. But one day over a movie or cup of tea that person says something to tick you off. It wasn’t just about anything; it was personal. Thereafter a series of never ending arguments follow and its not the same any more, everything has been ruined. Do you let go or hold on? That is the question.

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Sometimes in life we are bombarded by decisions and heavy situations. When it comes to matters of the heart, we get sidelined and it gets harder to do what’s right because we have feelings for that person. Have you been in an abusive relationship and don’t know how to get out? Does your partner always complain about how you look or what you wear? What about your weight? Is it suddenly an issue to be embarrassed about when you are out together? Does every little remark turn to be an argument?

Maybe you’re in a blissful relationship and all those questions don’t apply but trust me there comes a time in a relationship when you will feel like letting go. But relax, it might not happen to you.

My first remedy to this will be acceptance. You need to realize that what is happening is happening, its not a bad dream that you will suddenly wake up from.If you keep on arguing everyday its not because you’re on your periods or he had a bad day at work. There’s a problem and you need to find it by communicating. Talk,open up your heart and have the guts to confront the issue. Curing a disease begins by identifying the virus causing it, not speculating on what you are suffering from.

After the talk-through,are things really changing? Have you noticed any improvements in the relationship? If so,then well done, it looks like its working. If not, its time to move on to the next step.

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Get some space between you and that person. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger and you need the time to figure out what you need to do. Don’t hang around what weakens you.You’re only making things worse for yourself. If it’s the arguing,the nagging,the constant hurtful words, please walk away from that. Change your number, take a vacation, or change your environment. You will be surprised what a little change can do to the situation. Giving yourself time and space is not cliché or being a coward, it’s about being smart and knowing what’s best for you. Sometimes a battle is won by surrender.

Stop living in denial.when you put so much energy into fixing what is already broken you lose an opportunity of finding something new and much better. You become preoccupied in your pain and misery the sun just stops shining. You stop living your life and you live it for someone else. Don’t forget that in the end the vase is still broken; the person you are trying to fix will always remain unfixable. If they are not ready to adjust some certain things for you, then that means you need to find someone else who will.

Find the heart to let go. Someone once said the hardest part of holding on is letting it go. It’s so far the trickiest part of moving on because that little devil in your heart will tell you that you are doing a mistake. Deep down you know what is best for you and if you keep on listening to that voice you are never going to get better. Let go gradually so that your life is not thrown into shock and you end up doing something you will regret. You don’t just wake up one day and stop loving someone just because. So start by convincing yourself that what you are doing is best for the both of you.

It’s never too serious. To some degree, life was meant to be complicated. Find joy in that. If we understood why all things happen in a certain way in this world we would be bored stiff. Part of an unforgettable journey is discovering yourself and what makes you happy. Don’t feel that you have nothing to learn out of a nasty experience, use that lesson to make better decisions in the future.

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