March 2, 2011 – There is a group of men who lack commitment, love the bottle more than themselves and just won’t grow up.

Apparently the same have an affinity for women, although their relationship never graduates into marriage or if they do they are haunted forever… If you are a teenager I may forgive you for falling for them because in any case what you are looking for is fun, fun, fun and more fun! For the eligible sisters I bet you want to avoid their snare…

The Fun boy:

This kind of guy is the curious type of a teenager. Your looks are the main reason he is attracted to you and he will let you know that. He is the perfect gentleman. He will carry your handbag, open the car door, pull the seat and cook for you. You are the perfect woman and he will never criticize you but hail praises on you.

Talk about having fun; he knows what it is all about and will give it to you. He will overwhelm you with love. If you love flowers or cards you will get them, if it is hanging out he will go out of his way to give u a good treat, he actually knows the best joints in town. He believes in the conventional movie storyline: boy meets beautiful girl, girl likes charming boy and gives him a date. He is quick to take you to bed even on the second date.

However romance and fun is all you will get. He has no commitment and no future plans for you.  He is with you to serve his humanistic needs of sex and company.  Married men with a “mpango wa kando” fall in this category.

The saddest end to this story is that the fun is short lived. He will most likely dump you for another woman who appears better than you!

Mummy’s boy:

This kind of man never grows up. This guy loathes commitment and is the type that will rarely volunteer to foot the bill on a date. Too bad the same guy is stuck at his mama’s house.

You see Independence and accountability in men is not inherent, it comes with practice. It comes with running your affairs. 
There is a sense of responsibility that comes with paying your rent, doing shopping and such like things.  If he is dating you and he is still living with his mother you need to think about your future.

This category is not limited to the bachelors. Those who make it into marriage (mostly after a long struggle) are worse off because their homes are run by their mothers. Everything will be counterchecked with their mothers. This reminds me of a case…

If as a woman you find yourself fighting about the wedding plans with your mother in law beware, this will not be the last time you will be fighting with her. She is likely to continue making the decisions and be the ‘unseen head.’

This is the kind of situation where he will compare your meals with how the mother used to cook; the mother becomes the standard unit of doing everything.

Responsibility Phobic guy:

This guy is similar to the mama’s boy who never leaves their mother’s nest. They move from one friend’s house to another.
They never start out on their own. It is likely he hangs around his friends in fear of responsibility. He always hides on the cloud of his pals and is likely that your relationship is run by the web of friends.

In essence you are dating a group and not him. That gift was probably bought by a friend. Technically he may be a puppet. This is likely to get worse in marriage since he is not able to make decisions on his own.

Chances are his home will be run by his friends from the bar!

The bar boy:

A friend of mine who recently got married is on the verge of a divorce, after just a year of marriage. Reason: the husband is always coming home late from the bar.

I am finding more and more married women complaining about this kind of men; the daily drinking officers who value the bottle than anything in life. They are the kind that is always away from work for a week at end month drinking down their salary.

It is sad that the modern professional woman is looking for eligible men in the bar and expect/hope that they will quit the bottle or at least minimize the frequency once in marriage.

If he is always meeting you in the bar you have more reason to worry; the bar is most likely to end up being your co-wife!

Marriage is never synonymous with quitting drinking. If you meet him in the bar and continue seeing him in the bar chances are you will go to the house and leave him in the bar.

Be warned men rarely drink with their wives! He expects you to go home and be with the children as he pints his night away with his boys or worse still with a mpango wa kando.

You see, the bar is not a sober place. The reason why people go to the bar is to unwind, forget about the hustles of the day and just be in a carefree world (with the exception of those who go there for business deals). It is a place for fun. It is likely that if you met him in the bar he was looking for company or the usual ‘chips funga.’

If you met him there, shift base when dating to a more sober place for your dates.

The anti-commitment guy:

It is no secret men have problem with commitment in relationships; they take long making their intentions known. It is said that a woman has a clue in the direction the relationship is likely to take after the third date but men are still not sure years on. But again the bad boy has overdone it.

A pal of mine has been dating this guy for over five years and she has nothing to show for it. No ring, no commitment just memorable nights out and intimate calls and texts. If after three years, he is not showing any signs of commitment you need a strategy. You may decide to probe him, propose to him (probably he is the kind that has a problem asking) or move on!

If he is serious about you he needs to show it by a commitment. One year of coffee dates he should at least give a verbal commitment of where the relationship is going. Three years down that ring better be on your finger. You know he is not serious with you if every time you bring up the idea of marriage he diverts attention.

Too sad that this kind of man want to rush you to bed and has no idea of where you guys are heading to.

Bad boys are not bad boys forever; they change albeit late in life. Too sad when they wake up from their slumber they pick younger girls. As an eligible sister dating one of them, you might as well get disappointed if you have been waiting for him to wake up!

Those who wake up in marriage are worse; by the time he wakes up; he will have done enough damage!

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