February 8, 2011 – The modern woman is under siege; fighting for her man.
From alcoholism to office relationships not forgetting the demanding career paths (that have borne workaholics) and the ever persistent danger of the ‘other woman’ – ladies face the threat of losing their men daily.
Whereas the causes of these ‘dangers’ could be diverse the fact that your man could be running away because his needs are not met at home is not far off.
As noted in my part one of The obvious but elusive needs men have, these species are very predictable. Their needs are very obvious and yet many times unattended!
I pick up from where I left off and look at another set of men’s needs which if met could make a huge difference in relationships.
Quit being emotional and give him the allowance to make mistakes:
Men are sloppy; it is most likely that he will make 10 mistakes before you as a woman make one. To add to this women are more
careful; they take time before doing something, the net effect being that they will make fewer mistakes.
Additionally men are more understanding when it comes to conflicts they will take in a number of faults before they can raise a finger as opposed to women who will notice every mistake and most likely make it known that they did.
On solving conflicts the biggest battle of relationships can be won on understanding the vast difference in views between men and women. Whereas women lean towards an emotional world view, men have a logical world view.
Women often fault by interpreting every mistake their men do and attaching emotions to it. On the contrary men get annoyed when emotions replace the facts.
When resolving a conflict it would be wise to separate emotions from facts. If he forgot to remove his shoes when getting into the house quit concluding outright that he does not appreciate your efforts to clean the house.
The rebound of this is a feeling that women are petty and a nag. This could lead to withdrawal or a don’t care attitude. With this a woman will in turn feel misunderstood and not cared for and the relationship/marriage heads to the dogs.
Quit making a mountain out of every mole-hill of a mistake. Make allowance for the fact that being human he will make genuine mistakes.
It is interesting that women interpret it to mean he does not care whereas when you are late for a date you want him to understand.
I don’t mean to ignore the intrinsic differences between men and women but I believe making an allowance for him to make mistakes could save many women from ulcers.
Most conflicts in relationships emanate from non issues. Don’t get me wrong am not trying to demean the concerns of women.
*He wants to feel needed.
Naturally a man is wired to be responsible, a caretaker. The modern man feels rewarded when he is useful to those he loves.
I assure you he has no problem paying the bills, in fact he feels so fulfilled when he can provide for his family. The problem is that the modern woman is consumed with the hullabaloo of independence that she wants to prove she can make it on her own.
Let him replace the bulb, close the door, carry the shopping basket even if he has no clue what you are buying.
The fact that he has not offered to do it does not mean he is disinterested, in fact he might be feeling you don’t value his help because you insisted on doing it yourself. This is likely to elicit a feeling of isolation in him.
You see men have an ego, they want to feel needed and so it is fulfilling for them when they are asked to do it. Don’t assume that it is obvious for him. You will be surprised that requesting him to do something for you is the button you have been missing all along.
Asking him to do it for you makes him feel useful, needed and better still wanted!
* Spice up the bedroom.
It’s no secret that sex ranks high in a man’s list of needs. Some have even suggested it is the most important need.
Men are visual, don’t be surprised when you catch him drooling at another woman, give him a reason not to. A story is told of a woman who caught his husband cheating with his secretary spend some time in the office and learnt what it was the ‘other woman’ was doing that she was missing. She later won her husband over by changing the small things, like her dressing.
Do not complain that you caught him flirting with a colleague on facebook or sms if you cannot take time to have a conventional talk with him.
The bedroom is where his most intimate needs are met exclusively, it is where he gets vulnerable, make it interesting!
I am not a sex therapist so it would be hard to address this deeper, but I believe that a woman can in simple ways make that intimate time special.
*Accept him under no conditions:
Even if you earn more than him, you are more learned or have more assets – he remains the man, and I promise you he will defend his place at all costs. Material things don’t replace him at the Head.
The castle should not be greater than the king. He knows that those things are important but he doesn’t want to be placed second to those things or even his children. If he feels a threat, he is likely to withdraw or look for that recognition elsewhere.
Valuing the children or the pay slip is a suicidal move; you will have them but lose him!
A man wants to be accepted for who he is at face value. Quit trying to change him into becoming your ideal man; rather support him to the best he can be.
Many have assumed that a cheating man strays while looking for a sexual experience but I beg to differ. Many have pushed their men to the bars and ‘the other’ woman by being unresponsive to their needs.
Figure your man out, identify his critical needs and serve him well at home. Get him out of the bar, the office and the mistress’ home and make him long for you!