Who are you?

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January 17, 2010 – In relationships, this is one question that not a lot of people are able to answer. A relationship, I believe should enhance someone’s personality. It should polish it to make it a masterpiece. A healthy relationship promotes the growth of both partners. Therefore, it is important to always be able to answer this question in a relationship. Most people who get into a relationship, in this day and age, are independent and out to find an equal. However, after years the above question seems to be one that you cannot answer.

Having spoken to several family oriented couples i.e. couples with children, this question is one that they find harder to answer. The difficulty tends to increase with the number of years they’ve been married with children. Therefore, I want to dedicate this column, though not exclusively, to those family oriented couples. So I want you to take a moment and think: Who am I?

I think that one relationship that gets ignored a lot, and in my opinion the most important one, is your relationship with yourself. When you were a singleton, you would take time out and do things just for you…have some ‘me time’. For some people this relationship becomes more and more elusive as your relationships with your spouse and/or children continue to grow and evolve. Most people tend to bury their own interests, especially women, so as to tend to their families. This does not mean that men do not get lost in their relationships either, but due to cultural restraints, the women tend to be the ones who are more involved in raising their children.

Therefore, what happens years later when the children are all grown up, married or have moved away from home? The women tend to feel like they lost their identity. They suddenly have so much time on their hands and have no idea what to do with it. I urge you to ask yourselves the question again. Can you remember your hobbies, the things you used to do for yourself? Not because your spouse or children like it but because you do? If you cannot remember these, then perhaps it’s time to put more effort into the relationship that a lot of us tend to ignore. The relationship with yourself, because remember:

‘He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.’ – Raymond Hull

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