November 22, 2010 – There’s a recent song by Rihanna in which she talks about being ‘stupid in love’. I must admit the first time I heard the song I thought it was ridiculous and made no sense. I mean how can the hook say ‘I may be dumb, but Im not stupid…’?? It wasn’t until this morning’s events that this phrase made complete sense for the first time.

I took a day off work so I can sleep in after noticing my level of productivity was beginning to wane at the office yesterday. In the midst of my happy morning dreams however, I was woken up by a text message on my phone. I reluctantly rolled over to check it out only to find a very strange message.

It was from an ex-boyfriend of mine and it simply read: “Hey, how you been? What u up 2?”. I looked at the time and saw that it was a quarter to ten and I had planned to sleep till at least 11:00.

Why on earth was my ex sending me a text at this time of the morning? Normally people who send me messages at or around 10:00am are people with serious business deals so I figured since we work in similar industries he must have some kind of biashara he wants to throw my way.

In the attempt to seem busy and not desperate, I rolled over and went back to bed for an additional hour. When I woke up close to 11:00 I replied the earlier text saying: ‘Just waking up, wsup?’. Less than 2 minutes later a reply came in: ‘Me too, Im at home in bed, you should join me’.

Taking it as a bad ice-breaker/attempted joke, I replied: ‘Lol, you’ve got jokes’. It was at this point that I realized this man was not joking around after he sent me back a simple reply: “Am serious”.  

All this got me thinking about the circumstances that would’ve caused an ex-boyfriend of mine who I haven’t spoken to in weeks to pick up his phone when he woke up this morning and text me for sex.

He’d probably been pursuing some hot piece of ass recently and finally thought he was going to get lucky yesterday. So he devised some elaborate plan to get her back to his place last night but at the last minute she chose her dignity and went home instead. So he woke up this morning, horny as hell, stared down at his blue-balls and started going through his phone.

It was at this point that he scrolled down past my name and thought to himself: ‘I know that chic still wants me, I bet you she’ll come over and get me off. Let me send her a text’. As in seriously??!!

So I sat up in bed this morning calculating the amount of effort it would actually require for me to do this. I would have to get out of bed, jump in the shower, get dressed (but not-overly dressed cause we don’t want him thinking I’m trying too hard), get in my car, stop at the petrol station for gas, drive across town, call him when I’m at the gate, walk into his little bedroom, hop into bed with him, give him head till he’s ready, then climb on top of him and watch as he lazily closes his eyes and enjoys the ride.

None of this seemed like it might be worth it in the end. And the part I was still stuck on was the fact that his last sms said: “Am Serious”. As if he wanted to let me know that I should consider this a privilege that out of all the women he could potentially get sex from, he chose me. So I got up, paced around my room trying to come up to a reply that did this situation justice. As I was doing so that damn Rihanna song kept playing in my head as I considered the possibility that my ex actually thought me stupid enough to go out of my way to leave my house and go give him morning sex, not even to chips me at 3am after a long night out. 

Yes I still had feelings for the guy. Yes I wouldn’t have minded a few rounds during my off day. Yes a part of me actually started thinking of what I was going to wear when I first got the text. But it was the whole thought process that went behind him contacting me at a quarter to 10am that pissed me off. As women we’re always wishing men would be honest with us and ‘just tell us’ what they want from us. I guess this was his way of saying he didn’t want a relationship, but he would still like to have sex when everyone else fails him and he wakes up horny.

So I sat back on my bed and sent him the final sms. It was a simple text that read: ‘I’m sure you have other people to call if you want to fornicate in the morning. I’m not that chic’.

He never replied, but I was proud of myself for not succumbing to the pressure this time. I’m sure if I had been at the club with a couple of drinks and gotten the same message the outcome might’ve been different. But because this guy was bold enough to want to eat chips in the morning and in broad daylight, I get to spend the rest of my day-off shopping and trying on jeans that make my butt look nice. I think it’s a fair trade-off.