Being single can sharpen perspective

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It’s a little after midnight as I write this. I’m staring into the mirror across the room wondering what I’m doing in bed while a good portion of my friends are out painting the town red. Then I stare at this page and realize it’s been a few months since I wrote my last article. I’ll explain why.pensive_968411431.gif

Ladies and gentlemen, I am going through a very dry spell. We’ve all had them at some point or the other. Sometimes we get so focused on other parts of our lives that our personal lives end up suffering. Be it family, career, school, or any other endeavor, there are endless aspects of our day-to-day living that can take away from relationships and sex. But then again, sometimes its just a long chain of bad decisions that land us in a dry spell. In my last article, I wrote of an excruciatingly embarrassing experience with my ex-boyfriend. I guess one thing I’m happy to report is that the occurrence I wrote about was the last chipsing incident between my ex and I. Since then, things seem to have taken a screeching halt as far as sexual escapades go.

In the last few months, I’ve lost a gorgeous boyfriend, a steady clande, and I’ve quit hookingal_gym_612207767.gifg up with my favourite ex. Translation? No sex for me. The reason I’m not quick to complain is that all of these decisions have been my own. My life had gotten a bit confusing and I think I just needed some time to clear the clutter and re-focus my priorities. Its been a bit of a freeing experience really…I’ve gotten to spend time doing things that I had previously forgotten about. Meaning I’ve been going to the gym like I’m being paid, I spend a lot of time cooking, cleaning, and have even picked up knitting and crocheting. I know you’re frowning as you read the knitting part and its ok. Most of my friends seem to agree that I’ve completely lost it.

In reality though, I feel like I’ve gained a much sharper perception of where I am in my life and what I’m yet to accomplish. I was on my way to the gym the other day when a good friend of mine called to let me know that she and her boyfriend are expecting their first child come June. Of course I was happy for them but deep down inside I felt like a tiny person had just kicked me in the gut. This was the third friend of mine who had either gotten engaged or pregnant recently and all this has accumulated to form a thin strain of jealousy in my system.  But now I’m taking this all as more of a wakeup call.

I’m nearing a pivotal birthday come August and all my life I’ve thought that by this age I would be enjoying  the last bit of my engagement as I plan my wedding. Or at least clocking the years on a solid committed relationship. Problem is, there is no man in my life right now. So as I re-adjust my thinking to suit my current reality I’ve come to realise a few things about the single life.

First and foremost, its perfectly fine to live the single life, weigh your options, and take your time with the whole dating thing. Secondly, don’t treat men like comfort food. Looking back I realise the reason I was keeping so many guys on speed dial is because I was afraid to be alone with myself and have nothing to do. But look at me now, I’m healthy, happy, and well on my way to becoming a gourmet chef! (ok, not quite but…). The third and most enlightening thing I’ve learned however is that dry spells are meant to be just that – a spell, or a period of time outside of the ordinary. Well, it’s been an enlightening few months and I really have appreciated the brief respite from physical pleasures.

But then again let’s get real – all of this appreciation has not gotten me laid in a while and I think my GIRL_TEXTING_999306876.gifbody is starting to stage a small protest. So against my better judgment I take out the modern day black book known as a cell phone and start scrolling. I have no idea what Im going to say to this select group of potential booty calls but thank goodness for text messages that impersonalise awkward situations. (lol). This feels like such a guy thing to do but hey, a girl’s got needs too. I start the text off with a vague ‘Sema u guy u’ve potead…whats good?’. I follow this up with a very faint hint of sexual innuendo and press [send to all]. If this goes well I should be back to chronicling my sexcapades in no time. So wish me luck!

 

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  • Franklin

    I agree with your sentiments, it happens, since as a guy i ever underwent the same, truly its hard but what kept me moving was my ego.
    them from there u sharpen up and rediscover yourself.

  • samantha

    u go girl , m sailing in da same boat so go for it, it time to do things 4 u, u want that booty call go ahead lol

  • kimathi

    i don`t know what to say but i feel u, so it is back to square one,life is very intresting wish u luck though.

  • esquire

    Call me up too, i may be of help. No strings attached of course

  • Evie

    heh heh eh Esquire you are the kind of person she is talking about! DOWN BOY!!!! Babe, i was somewhere where you are some 4 years ago. IT WAS NASTY!!!!!!!!! But you know what, take your time, a nice guy will come your way. Not perfect… but nice.

  • lawi

    how come inever got u'r call kwanii u started deleting our numbers!!

  • superfemale

    girl.. we sailing in the same boat and the sad part is when my girlfriends r in come-we-stay agreements and people always wonder why i dont have a boyfriend by now yet they followed me around in campus, i guess its coz i have standards…

  • *the realist*

    superfemale: amen to that.!
    I too experienced a dry spell not long ago..i felt like i was gon explode and my guy pals as well as girlfriends just didn't understand how i was the only one without a man in my life despite havin soo many suitors.
    Positive thing tho, that period gives u time to discover ur innerself., what u want, what u can do n so channelling ur energy n time to it
    and setting al ur priorities in life straight.

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