Nov. 6 | Once upon a time, in the far away village called Den Haag, there lived a mighty beast.
The fearful creature stretched all of seven metres, and its long, flattened killing weapon – the tail – moved from side to side as it swam through water.
Now, behold, in another far away county of Wareng, there lived a gallant soldier.
His enemies abhorred him, while his people revered him. Samoei The Warrior had the blood of his community’s greatest ruler – the one and only Koitalel – flowing thick and fast through his large, visible veins.
Now, Samoei The Warrior feared no man, woman or beast. Those that had waged war against him had been vanquished, and their skeletons erected on Samoei’s compound as proof of his prowess.
Bullfighters, fishermen, ironsmith women from the land of Gichugu…..all are nothing but...
Aug. 29 | Raila Odinga is very good at playing to the gallery. On Friday, the “People’s President” proved this when – in his characteristic charisma – he came up with the story of a bat. The jury is still out on what exactly he was talking about in that story.
But I digress. The Right Honourable Prime Minister attended a promulgation thanksgiving prayer service in Kinoo on Sunday, where he took to the pulpit and registered his “disapproval” with the presence of Sudanese President Omar Hassan Al Bashir in the country on Friday, despite the ICC noose hanging over his head.
Firstly, I would wish to remind any Martian who is reading this article that Mr Odinga is one of the two Principals at the head of the Government of the Republic of Kenya. Casually, this means that the PM is responsible for everything that happens...
Jul. 6 | I watched how the Black Stars of Ghana were feted on arrival back home and my eyes swelled with tears of admiration for the youngsters who took to the pitch in South Africa with so much self-belief and pride.
Although Captain John Mensa irked me with his penalty kick in that match against Uruguay, he will be remembered more for leading his boys on a demolition mission at the World Cup. Mensah, Gyan and the Black Stars did not do it for their country alone – they did it for Africa.
Those scenes at the airport set me off to dreamland and I started visualising how things would have been had Ghana beaten Uruguay. Oh, how I wish the crossbar had spared us that nonsensical drama and just stayed clear of Asamoah Gyan’s goal-bound Jabulani.
It would have been African history, written on African soil during Africa’s historic first...
May. 11 | Apart from the very obvious parallels of the orange colour, Britain’s Liberal Democrats are very similar to our very own Orange Democratic Movement – Kenya (ODM K).
Nick Clegg and Kalonzo Musyoka are the kingmakers. They are the men who garnered few votes in an election, yet they want to “pitia katikati yao” into powerful positions in government.
In the just concluded elections in Britain, the two main rivals came out totally bruised. Gordon Brown led his Labour party to the one parliamentary defeat in recent times, while David Cameron and his Conservatives did not convince enough Britons to hand them a majority in the House of Commons.
Oh, isn’t the unfolding drama in Edward Clay’s homeland amusing? I wonder what Sir Clay is saying now. Who is vomiting on whose shoes, huh?
I think there is some evil in...
Apr. 29 | (Disclaimer: This is a fictional piece penned from the land of aliens)
I had a dream last night. I was in London, covering a press conference by Kenya’s High Commissioner to the UK, flanked by other envoys from Africa, Asia and the Middle East.
I recorded the statement in my dream and this is what Kenya had to say to the British people.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for attending this press briefing today. May I relay warm greetings from the President, Prime Minister and the hospitable people of Kenya.
The government of Kenya has been following the build-up to UK’s elections with keen interest. Owing to our historical relationship, it is the belief of every Kenyan that our country and yours are joined at the hip; we are siblings. Born of the same mother (the father may be debatable).
With every new dawn, it is becoming...
Feb. 9 | Human beings, by their very nature are very hypocritical. Why do we apply double standards so easily?
France is in the process of imposing a law that will ban muslim women residing in that country from wearing the buibui (burqa) in public. The romantic French argue that covering yourself from top to toe is not in line with their culture.
I must say that I respect the French for acknowledging the importance of practicing and protecting their culture, even by law if need be.
In fact today if you decided to live in France, you would be required to sign a contract acknowledging that polygamy and FGM are not in line with their culture and therefore you shall not practice them.
Tres bien, mes amie!
Not a single country in the West has spoken out against the burqa legislation, not withstanding the fact that it forces people to alter a lifestyle...
Jan. 27 | Last year, I used the example of Egypt’s Minister for Transport who resigned because some train had hit a buffalo somewhere in his country, derailed and caused death.
In that article, I and most readers agreed that Kenya is clearly very different from Egypt where such a withdrawn occurrence could lead to the resignation of a Cabinet Minister.
Well, I think it is time Kenyans came together and agreed on the basic standards to set for our leaders. I say this because it is clear that Ministers, Permanent Secretaries and other people in positions of authority refuse to take responsibility for whatever goes wrong simply because it is “the Kenyan way” of doing things.
You see, we as a society have come to accept many ills as “typically Kenyan.” For instance, it is very Kenyan for you to sit clutching your fist in fear...
Jan. 12 | I am flabbergasted. Nay, I actually feel disappointed.
You see, last year, the country applauded when Parliament formed a nine-member committee to make a Constitution that would work for Kenya in posterity.
That team was aptly called, the Committee of Experts on Constitutional Review. It even comprises people who have vast experience on constitution-making from other countries.
Before I explain my frustration, let me first acknowledge that the Nzamba Kitonga team has actually met its deadlines twice now, and also managed to water down a potentially damaging leak of a break within its ranks.
But I am disappointed that the team seems not to have injected its “expertise” into this process. By “harmonising” the previous drafts, one would have expected Senior Counsel Kitonga and his fellow “experts” to actually...
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