Give a chance to road rage to deal with errant drivers

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CASSANDRA MERCY

Parliamentary proceedings are generally aired for people who don\’t mind staring at open graves for amusement so it was surprising to watch them discuss something that actually affects your non-stone throwing voter.

It would seem that our \’leaders\’ are finally living on the same planet and have noticed the existence of traffic in Nairobi. One would assume that some lawmaker was cut off recently and took such personal offence to it that he/she raised the matter in Parliament.

The entire time the proceedings went on I kept expecting an irate MP ratting off the offending number plate. That said, there were some rather solid ideas on combating the nuisance that traffic has become even though most of them have already been discussed ad nauseum on breakfast radio.

The honourable peeps did miss one fool proof way to handle bad driving which is THE major contributor to traffic. We need to legalise road rage and the accompanying assault be it bodily or to the offending car.

Road rage covers a multitude of hostile acts committed by angry or frustrated drivers, from deliberate tailgating to excessive hooting. The point to emphasise in that statement is "angry and/or frustrated drivers".

When the police reports say 120 incidents of road rage, you should interpret that as 120 incidents of idiocy on the road that went unpunished. Just the other day, we were caught up on Kenyatta Avenue because this ugly purple bus had decided to park at the traffic light and wait for the stage to clear up.

There was a policeman right in front of him who did nothing. It was only after three green lights that the retard decided to move.

Now you know that would never happen in Texas. Texans don\’t play and they pack heat, you just never know! My exasperated friends and I discussed what we would have done if we had baseball bats and one suggested that a "nyahunyo" would do an even better job than a bat.

True. We should be allowed to beat bad drivers and that would serve as a pretty strong deterrent for that GK driver who joined Kenyatta highway off Posta Street and caused chaos as he needed almost three lanes to make the turn. What if we had all just stopped our cars and given him a good beating? It is safe to say that next time he even thought of Posta Road he would break out in hives.

Once on a trip on Thika Road, I witnessed a scene that made me lean out of the car and clap very enthusiastically. A matatu driver who had been overlapping and generally getting on everyone\’s nerves with the brazen recklessness of lane changes stopped at the former Nakumatt to offload passengers.

A car behind us pulled into the stage and three young men came out. It was a fantastic fight and I was particularly pleased when they asked him to apologise to the public for being such a twit.

Some professor may have taken it to the extreme by shooting a matatu driver but I am sure we all understand exactly where this amount of rage was coming from.

Therefore, if MPs really want to do something about bad driving without incurring additional costs, it should find a way to legalise road rage.

Just define the parameters and the Kenyan public shall be happy to beat up bad drivers. As an additional advantage, it saves on the paper costs for the whole court process and is therefore good for the environment. It\’s a win-win scenario all round, unless of course you are a retard on the road or you drive a GK!

(The writer is a producer at Captial FM)

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